Universal Remote

The Boozy Weathergirl
Oct 22
2 min read

One of the best pieces of advice I got from a meme this week - Do not eat aluminum, or you'll sheet metal. For more ass-blowing advice and topics, keep reading this week's Deep Thoughts Thursday with The Boozy Weathergirl...

1

If you question why you are friends with me, keep in mind how comforting it must be for you to always be the normal one.

2

I have a lot of friends. But the truest friendships I have are the ones where we meet out for coffee and come home drunk AF.

3

For all the new moms out there, I'd like to say that you are not alone. In fact, every stage of motherhood should come with a free tee that reads, "I wasn't prepared for this part either!"

4

On the same note, it's fucking exhausting trying to discipline the "you" out of your child.

5

You know what's really disappointing? Sitting on my couch, realizing the universal remote control does not actually control the universe. Not even remotely.

6

Sometimes you meet someone, and instantly, you know that you would be so happy to spend your whole life without them.

7

Please allow children to believe in Santa, The Tooth Fairy and The Easter Bunny. You believe in essential oils, and no one is ruining that for you.

8

True fact - nothing is really lost until your wife can't find it.

9

To everyone out there who signed my 8th grade yearbook, you'll be happy to know that I did, in fact, stay cool.

10

My reminder to all of you this week - Winnie the Pooh wore a crop top with no panties, ate his favorite food all day long and loved himself. So, you can too.

I really wish I loved exercise as much as I love getting drunk and eating everything in sight! But since I don't, you get another great recipe to try this week - Bloody Mary Syringes! Should kill it at your Halloween Bash!