Is that chicken skin taken?

The Boozy Weathergirl
3 days ago
3 min read

Folks, I'm pretty sure this is not the heat that Whitney Houston wanted to feel with somebody. Throw some ice down your shirt and enjoy this week's Deep Thoughts Thursday with The Boozy Weathergirl.

1

I went out to lunch with some lovely ladies this week. It was, however, clear to me that they were much closer friends than I thought when one of them asked if she could eat the other's chicken skin off her plate, and the chicken skinner didn't even bat an eyelash before responding, "Sure!"

2

Sadly, I also attended a funeral this week. It got me thinking - I'm going to tell my family to put my ashes into an hourglass, so that even after I am gone, I can still participate in game night.

3

I bought some nipple guards on Amazon, because my turkey timers were popping in the cold AC air. Stuck them in my bra, and instead of hiding my protrusions, it looked like I installed a bullseye on my boob that resembles a flattened top hat. My nips became captives waiting for an escape. That shit is on its way back to Amazon.

4

I was at work, and the phrase, "What Would Jesus Do?" came up. It started me thinking. Instead of asking that, I have several colleagues to whom I pose the question, "What DOES (fill in colleague's name) Do?" For real. I want to go to certain people at work and pose this question directly. Like, why are you always sitting at your computer laughing and eating, while I am running around like a chicken with my head cut off? Huh?

5

I checked my homeowner's insurance policy. Apparently, if my blanket is stolen in the middle of the night, I won't be covered.

6

Please stop saying "supposably." That is not a word. Look at this closely - SUPPOSEDLY. There's no "a" or "b" even in the damn word. Kindly stop with your annihilation of the English language. Thank you.

7

For those of you who are embarrassed to fart in front of people, think about this - the cracking sound in your joints is caused by gas bubbles. So, basically, your body is farting out loud all day long. Embrace it.

8

Some interesting shit I read - The average person produces 25,000 pounds of poop in a lifetime. Enough to fill a small truck. I am not 100% positive, but I think I might be above average here.

9

I see some weird things on the Facebook town sale sites. But the latest threw me for a loop - a woman in New Milford who makes crocheted penis keychains. Marketed as "adult humor keychains LARGE," I'm just trying to wrap my head (pun intended) around the type of person a) who thought this up and b) who is the target market for this. It says they are perfect for bachelorette parties and gag gifts. Was that also a pun? Can't be sure. But the photo that accompanies this promotion is a fan out of knitted dicks, in shades of brown and tan, with a slightly deranged woman peeping through the center of the array. Hope she's not planning to quit her day job (or maybe night job) for this venture.

10

I really am not a mean person. I promise. It's just that my face responds to stupidity faster than my manners can catch up.

I get so many recommendations for drinks, I have to find a way to plug them in appropriately. But today, my rec screams local produce support - blueberry lemon drop slushie. Could anything sound better as a refreshment while your sweat is sweating? I think not!