To make you feel my love?

The Boozy Weathergirl
Feb 13, 2025
3 min read

Last-minute people, today's post is for you. Tomorrow is the day that you are forced to create some grand gesture of love for people, even if you're not feeling it. This week's Deep Thoughts Thursday with The Boozy Weathergirl can't help you with personalized, caring gifts, but it CAN help you with what NOT to buy.

1

Nothing says, "I ran to the drug store last night when the TV reminded me of the date," more than a generic gift card. Like, I could spend my own money wherever I want, so, thanks for nothing.

2

A gym membership. Even if I asked for one, this ain't the day to gift it. There is no one out there with enough body positivity to not want to give this a big, "FUCK YOU!"

3

I can't think of ANY holiday where someone genuinely wants a household appliance. Sometimes you don't have money, and that's the only option. And I get that. But, like, maybe a hand-picked flower or a prepared meal to make up for that? I mean, is that too much to ask?

4

An IOU. This is what you give the bank, not your loved one. Boy, I don't need no checks your ass can't cash! And we all know that a decorated message, about something that will NEVER happen in the future, is not appreciated.

5

A stuffed animal. What am I, a teenager at a carnival? If it talks, even worse. Worse still? A REAL animal that we did not discuss first. Really? I thought we were going to Hawaii, and now we'll never get there, because I am chained to the house and this new life I need to protect!

6

I say this for those who are not married. For the love of GOD, do not present your significant other with a small jewelry box on Valentine's Day if it's not an engagement ring. There is absolutely NO WAY AT ALL that the receiver of this gift does not think they are getting a proposal. And there is also no way to bounce back from such a faux pas. The doubt will be there every holiday, and even more so any time jewelry is involved.

7

Yes, hearts are the symbol of love. However, hearts made out of weird shit are just weird. Like beef jerky? Maybe, if it's tasty. But flesh or blood? Um, no. I'm a carnivore, not a cannibal.

8

Flowers are a wonderful gift. Seriously. I love flowers. IF they are fresh, pretty and flowers I enjoy. I buy plenty of my own flowers, so I know what CVS and Shop Rite offer for $9.99 or less. Do not insult me. Have an elaborate bouquet of my faves made or don't bother.

9

V-day can be a trigger for a lot of people. Wanna know why? Because some douche canoe decided that a breakup email or divorce papers were the ideal gift for the day of love! Seriously, this is not funny. Not even a little. There is a special place in hell for people who plan this.

10

I might tell you I want nothing. Over and over and over again. But do I mean it? Probably not. A small gesture, like a heart-shaped pancake, goes a long way, folks. Just sayin'.

This year, someone might appreciate the gifts of eggs as a sign of love. Since you'll be spending your entire paycheck on them, the sacrifice will be real. To anyone reading this, remember - I love you. And, I love cute, yummy and easy drink recipes. So, try this one out, and cheers to true love (or a good adult toy) to make tomorrow tolerable!