SWTHZ

The Boozy Weathergirl
2 hours ago
2 min read

Hard to believe it's already May. But I guess time flies when you work every single day of your life. Hoping you have budgeted enough personal time to read through this week's Deep Thoughts Thursday with The Boozy Weathergirl.

1

I don't turn down my air conditioning for people. Bring a scarf. Wear a sweater. #sorrynotsorry

2

I signed up for an exercise class, and they told me to wear loose-fitting clothing. Dumbasses - do you think I would be taking this class if any of my clothes fit loosely?

3

I long for the days when my brain could recall 52 TV channels by their number. Now, I am lucky if I can remember my own name.

4

Sometimes, I think to myself, "I need to lock in." And there I am, alone, just moving the laundry from the washer to the dryer.

5

Why are people so obsessed with meaningful hobbies? I don't need to be shamed if my favorite thing to do is sit in a softly lit bar, with my besties, talking shit and getting tipsy?

6

It's great that paper straws are biodegradable. I guess. But do they have to biodegrade in my drink?

7

Have you ever sneezed while brushing your teeth which then made you fart? Not that you could engineer that, but it is definitely not recommended.

8

The bagel setting on the toaster - are you supposed to put the inside up or down for maximum toasty goodness? I don't fucking get it.

9

I'm getting ads in my feed for some bougie-ass spa called SWTHZ right now. Loosely translates into "Sweat House." Do you know who I am? Because no middle-aged, perimenopausal woman needs to go to a fucking place that makes her so hot she sweats. That happens ALL.THE.TIME!! I am not signing up for a perspiration membership, FFS. Got that shit covered naturally, thanks.

10

In all my years of travel, it kinda sucks that I have never sat next to a hot person on a plane. Luckily, every person who has sat next to me has.

It's Derby weekend, bitches! Which means pastels, florals, big hats and everyone pretending to like bourbon! Personally, I can't stand these drinks, but here's the obligatory recipe for the mint julep. (You'll find me in a corner drinking vodka with a mint leaf for show)