Red shirted

The Boozy Weathergirl
May 15, 2024
3 min read

Blah, blah, blah. It's Thursday. So, here's your Deep Thoughts Thursday with The Boozy Weathergirl

1

True headline - "School worker arrested after student drinks vodka from her water bottle, deputies say." Thank GOD there was a mug shot to accompany this story and prove it was not me, because I was looking over my shoulder for the Popo all day.

2

Anyone else have one of these sporty waterproof windbreakers that has a hood about a million sizes too big for your head? Like, the jacket fits great. But you pull up the hood and you're either blinded by the immense amount of extra material with no drawstring, or the thing just blows off your head in a gust of wind, because it's like its own windsock. Prototype testing is MUST, people. Come on!

3

I was doing my crossword the other day, and this was the clue - "Body part where a sock might go. Four letters." Bahahahahahahaha! Needless to say, the word I chose was not the right one...

4

I don't own a ton of red shirts. Which is surprising since my daughter's high school and college use red as the main school colors, and it just looks good on me. However, if I am wearing a red shirt, it is undoubtedly the day I go to Target. And I don't think about that fact until I get stopped in every damn aisle to be asked where something is located in the store.

5

I voice text a lot. Being the anal retent I am, I proofread the text before it goes out. There is usually at least one word, if not many, used or spelled incorrectly. Instead of simply typing to correct the error, I continue to say the word into the phone over and over again, deleting, respeaking, then deleting again, thinking my yelling or over pronunciation will somehow correct the mistake.

6

My mom got me a gift for Mother's Day. She presented me with a cute little bag with some tissue paper. She seemed genuinely excited to give it to me. So, imagine my surprise when I took the tissue paper out and found NOTHING inside. I was like, "Wow, Mom. What the hell did I ever do to deserve this?" (Mind you, I did plenty.) I mean, if you wanted to say, "Fuck you, kid," you could have just said that. (OK, OK - she just left the thing at home. And we got a good laugh out of this. But still, it has me wondering if this was not truly a subliminal message of some kind...)

7

Are you ever driving behind a car that just won't accelerate enough to not annoy you, but you're close to the Exit, so you forgo passing them, because you're just about to get off? But that doesn't happen, because they too get off at the same Exit, right in front of you? And then you start questioning why you were such a pussy and did not take charge of your feelings? And you start making these faces, possibly yelling, and you're sure they can see you, because you are riding their bumper in order to reemphasize the fact that they suck at driving? Asking for a friend.

8

My ironic drive yesterday where I passed a sign for "Rapid Lube," which made me laugh and also miss my turn. So, I ended up doing a U-turn where another sign read, "Yes, U-Turn for Jesus."

9

I was at a bar, and they had a toilet in the bathroom that featured the double flushing options (less strength for urine, more for poop). BUT (pun intended), this one had the silver buttons LABELED with a "1" and a "2." BLEW. MY. MIND. Why don't they all do this? Or do they and I just never noticed? Brilliant, just brilliant.

10

My friend and prom date, Bret, posted this, and I had to share with my "mature" readers - You want to know how to frighten the new generation? Put them in a room with a rotary phone, an analog watch, and a TV with no remote. Then leave directions on how to escape the room using only these items - but write it in cursive.

One of my besties from high school is coming to visit this weekend. Some others in our squad are getting together as well. And for some reason, I thought about how we would obsess over the book, "The Preppy Handbook." Copies of this thing are selling for over $160 online! What? I think you might need a preppy cocktail from this list to digest that!