Fat chance!

The Boozy Weathergirl
Jul 17
3 min read

It is hotter than a jalapeño's armpit up here in the Northeast right now. On the flip side, I'm hoping this week's Deep Thoughts Thursday with The Boozy Weathergirl keeps you cool as a cucumber.

1

One of my deepest thoughts of the week - How is it possible that "Fat Chance" and "Slim Chance" mean roughly the same thing?

2

The shit I find when I clean out a purse or bag is wild. And it keeps me guessing. Like, in what era was I using a beer bottle cap, a foam sticker, a cheese puff of some kind, a paperclip and what could potentially be a butt plug? Are they even mine? And the crumbs and dirt! So much of it! I really should wear gloves next time.

3

Marriage is when one person makes all the travel arrangements and the other asks (usually over and over), "Where are we going again?"

4

I ordered a canned cocktail at a recent concert, and it was waaaaaay too sweet. I asked the bartender for a glass of ice and a separate glass of vodka to cut it. He was like, "you want to add vodka to that?" To which I replied, "did I stutter?" He gave both to me, shaking his head. He obviously had no idea who he was dealing with.

5

At the same concert, I saw a guy that I swore I went to high school with, and I kept staring at him. Finally, I asked my husband to ask him if his name was Ryan. When he said "yes," I jumped up to chat with him, happy that I was right. However, I was thinking his first name was Ryan, when in fact, this guy's last name was Ryan. And he was not the same person I was thinking of at all. Which made the rest of the conversation very awkward. Especially since I had not even taken three sips of that drink I mentioned above.

6

I live in one of those stupid states where the exit numbers on the highway do not match the mile markers. But someone very smart decided to do an overhaul on that and fix it by sticking new number stickers over the old numbers. Why couldn't I have thought of this? Exit sign stickers must be a complete cash cow!

7

My daughter is reading the first of a set of four books in a series. I called it a Quadrilogy. That's a word, right? If not, it is now. Go forth and make it viral.

8

My dear friend, Chris, had a gripe to share this week. He went to a local grocery chain's deli and ordered a Chicken Bacon Ranch sandwich. He was extremely disappointed when the sandwich came out with what appeared to be uncooked bacon. I know what he's saying. It might be cooked, but it's chewy and it gets stuck in your throat. Who does this and why? Bacon should be crispy and crunchy and dark-colored, not pasty and limp. I advise us all to ask to see the bacon before ordering any subs/grinders/hoagies. Just make sure the deli guy knows which bacon you're referring to before you ask, or the police might have to get involved.

9

I may appear nonchalant. But I can assure you that I am chalanting about a lot of things.

10

Please stop telling women we can do it all. We don't want to do it all. We want someone else to do it, so that we can take a nap.

Short of shoving ice down my shirt, I need something to cool me down. So why not make ice even cooler by adding fruit to it and THEN adding it to your cocktails? Am I right or am I right?