Electric Avenue

Spring has sprung! That means the author of Deep Thoughts Thursday with The Boozy Weathergirl is now accepting invitations to get drunk on your patio. Book me early for the best rates.

1

People think I get drunk. So silly. I don't get drunk. I upgrade to premium fun mode with questionably adventurous decision-making skills!

2

Along those lines, one of my biggest regrets is that I rocked down to Electric Avenue but never took it higher. It haunts me.

3

I was discussing the fact that I probably have ADHD. The reason I know this is that if I am telling a story, you need to be prepared for 8 mini conversations and at least 10 other stories to be thrown in, because I can't stay focused.

4

Speaking of one story I forgot to tell last week - I accidentally and stupidly rented an electric vehicle while I was in Tampa. When we got to the space, we found out it was a Tesla. Seriously? I know everyone thinks this car has a mind of its own and is so intuitive. I'm here to tell you, it's NOT. The door handles are ridiculously stupid. Next, we had to Google how to start the thing. Once it started, we had to Google how to put it in gear. Then you start driving and it stops for you, but you don't know how soon that will happen. No clue how to adjust the mirrors. Google. Park and can't figure out how to turn off or lock the car. Google again. If someone at Google does not capitalize on what I am writing here, they are just dumb. I was a bit scared someone might set the thing on fire, but then I remembered I was in Florida...

5

A hit song right now is Chappell Roan's "Hot to Go!" I'm not feeling that at all. I think the perimenopausal version of that should be "B-L-O-A-T-E-D. I ain't lookin' hot no mo!"

6

On that same topic, I was showing some homes in an over-55 community, and we kept talking about the mobility issues of the future and how certain units would be better than others for this. I come home to my feed running ads for unicorn mobility scooters. My heart almost exploded. Truly. Someone out there finally gets what it means to be aging Gina. Now I can't wait for those hip and knee replacements.

7

As we near Easter, our thoughts turn to Jesus. There are not too many similarities between me and the Holy One. Like, I can't turn water into wine. However, what I CAN do is take some vodka and turn that into horrible decisions and complete chaos.

8

A couple of years ago, I got caught up in buying those kind of pointless crocheted little positive potatoes and avocados. Then, online today, I saw one I really think I want - The Positive Poo. Tag line - I may be a tiny poo, but I believe in you! Now go do your shit! I mean, brilliant! Especially for those people in your life who are chronically constipated. Even better for those who have resting bitch face that makes them seem chronically constipated, right?

9

Worst headline I've seen this week - "The easiest way to enjoy an espresso martini is here! (no alcohol)" What asshat wrote this? An espresso martini without alcohol is called coffee, dipshit. I can't even...

10

Sometimes I need one or two more points to add to these posts, and I reflect back on my week. Then I remember that I could lose my jobs or all my friends if I ever document some of the shit I encounter. So, if you've come into contact with me in the past week and wonder why I didn't mention you, please know that you ARE that special, funny, impressive, etc. It just has to stay our little secret.

People are wasting incalculable amounts of time on watching March Madness right now. Let's hope their betting amounts are not the same. I spend a lot of time talking about vodka. So, this week, I am giving the forgotten fruit its due. Here is a gin recipe that should send you into fairyland, even if there is no unicorn to turn your bracket into a fairytale.