I do porn
A wise friend of mine told me that if you can't dazzle them with your brilliance, baffle them with your bullshit. Perfecting that motto weekly in my Deep Thoughts Thursday with The Boozy Weathergirl.
1
My favorite season is when all the mosquitoes are dead.
2
I was in a candy store. The label on the gummy words read, "No artificial flavor." Really? Because who the hell is looking for gummy worms hoping they taste as close to the real thing as possible?
3
When someone tells me I look familiar, I've started replying, "I do porn."
4
Today's parenting tip - If you fill a pinata with ketchup, you will never have to host a children's birthday party again.
5
I was going to start my new diet today, but I have too much on my plate right now.
6
My sister's dog works for whatever the opposite of Build-A-Bear is.
7
If you ask me what I'm doing later, and I reply, "Nothing," please do not mistake this for an opening in my schedule. Nothing is an event. It is the plan.
8
I don't make enough estrogen anymore to be emotionally invested in your opinion of me.
9
My husband still hasn't emptied the dishwasher. I asked him to do it three hours ago. Now he's freaking out, because he can't find his phone. The phone that is on silent inside the dishwasher. Follow me for more expert marriage tips!
10
Be the person who lights up someone's life. Whether that gets done with your sparkling personality or a blowtorch is up to you.
This is the second time this week a blowtorch has come up. The first was at a BBQ this weekend. The second you just read. So, I looked into drinks that employ a blowtorch, and the Laguna Salada looked bad ass! I mean, what could go wrong when a bunch of drunk adults start adding fire to their cocktail repertoire? Time to find out...
Let's Play with Blowtorches!
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