E-I-E-I-O

The Boozy Weathergirl
2 days ago
2 min read

Today, I am wearing pink to raise awareness for people like me - those who don't separate reds from whites in the laundry. Good thing is that everything is coming up roses in this week's Deep Thoughts Thursday with The Boozy Weathergirl.

1

Anti-wrinkle creams should be tested on ball sacks first. If it can get the wrinkles out of those things, I'm buying that shit immediately.

2

Some people are like clouds. Once they disappear, it's a beautiful day.

3

I went to a winery over the weekend. I'm kind of proud of myself. In a blind taste test, I was able to distinguish between a 1997 Cabernet Sauvignon and a cracker.

4

Most of growing old is realizing that you didn't look as bad a few years ago as you thought you did, because now you look even worse.

5

I heard that Celine Dion will be removing all the consonants from her name in an effort to support local farmers.

6

I always regret making a great first impression, because there is no way I'm keeping that shit up.

7

Nobody sees the 5am runs. Nobody sees me choosing salads over fries. Nobody sees me doing yoga in a peaceful, sunlit room. Because I don't do any of that.

8

Please do not invite me to outdoor events. It's hot, and I'm fat.

9

Nothing says, "I mean business," like using a shopping cart at the liquor store.

10

I need everyone to wish me luck. I have a meeting at the bank later. If all goes well, I will be out of debt. I am so excited, I can barely get my ski mask over my head.

Labor Day weekend is here, and the official end of summer is upon us. For me, Labor Day is the time to celebrate Red, White and YOU with a nice sangria. Here are 20 different variations of the match batch elixir. If you can't find something in here that suits you, please seek help.