Do you like pina coladas?
- The Boozy Weathergirl
- 14 hours ago
- 3 min read
Welcome to June 2026, my friends! If you've filled up your gas tank lately, you understand why I stand there and sniff the fumes to get my fix, because Lord knows I can't afford much else. Let's hope this week's Deep Thoughts Thursday with The Boozy Weathergirl gives you the natural high you've been searching for recently.
1
Sometimes, I am shocked by the genius of my actions. Then, just like that, I try to get out of the car with my seatbelt still fastened.
2
Do you ever sit around with your friends and think, "Are we like this, because we drank from the hose?"
3
I've also reached the age where I can't tell if I sustained an injury or this is just how I am now.
4
Every time I try a new hobby or sport, I think to myself, "maybe THIS is my calling!" And then, not only am I not secretly a natural, but I am worse than even the beginners.
5
I saw somewhere that "Dirty Dancing" came out in 1987 and was set in 1963. So, if it was remade in 2026, it would be set in 2002. Now I need to lie down in a dark room and sob for a bit.
6
A mystery box arrived from the-company-who-shall-not-be-named, but I had no recollection of buying anything. However, this box contained completely useless, but very specific items like a cotton candy maker and neon-green pipe cleaners, with a receipt timestamped at 3:42am. Still have no idea if I ordered these while dreaming or drunk, or if I created the perfect preppy treat, but I sure as hell hope I haven't missed the return window!
7
Sometimes I think Alexa was created just to fuck with me. I was trying to set a simple cooking timer, but that bitch pretended not to hear me - THREE TIMES - then she finally responded with, "Playing aggressive death metal at maximum volume," all while my Roomba is hiding under the couch, crying for help via phone notifications.
8
When you are a paraprofessional in a school system, you never really know if most people even know who you are. So, when you see someone walking down the hall smiling and waving, you get a little giddy thinking that you've been recognized. However, you probably realize a second too late that tenured teacher in front of you was actually waving to her bestie behind you, and to save face, you quickly pretend to inspect your fingernails or sniff your armpits or do anything except make eye contact.
9
Speaking of which, today I learned that ostriches walk around and forget where they are going. I also decided that I might be related to ostriches.
10
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know when to get off social media and go for a walk!
I know, I know. You can't solve your problems by drinking. But at this point, a good cocktail is not a luxury - it's a buffer zone from the world's crazy! Here's a recipe for a beverage that tastes like an all-inclusive resort vacation you can't afford.
Yes, I like piña coladas...
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