Too full to think of a pun!

The Boozy Weathergirl
Nov 23, 2023
3 min read

My stomach has been prepping for today's feast all year, and it shows. But seriously, if you are watching your waistline, please don't let everyone else suffer for it. This week's Deep Thoughts Thursday with The Boozy Weathergirl celebrates the foods that we can't live without on the day of thanks.

1

Butternut Squash Soup - The prep of this particularly-appetizing first course is a bit much and unnecessary. Costco sells the one from Panera in bulk. Grab a couple of those containers, pour them in a pot and hide the containers in the outside recycling bin before anyone arrives. Add a dollop of cream and a couple of candied pecans on top, and voila - you are a chef!

2

Homemade Bread - oh, who am I kidding? Without my sister the bread maker in town, everyone will be getting Hawaiin rolls. And that is fine, because Thanksgiving is all about carbs, and most people won't buy those buttery bumps of goodness during the year.

3

A Chicken - You know what looks like a turkey, but isn't dry and tasteless? Yes, you do. If you're dead set on the other bird, I promise you will not be disappointed if you just paint two toilet paper inserts white and stick them on the ends of chicken legs to fool everyone. They will actually thank you. You're welcome. (P.S. leftover chicken gravy is DA BOMB on fries)

4

Cranberry Sauce - For the love of God, do not be fooled by these pretentious cranberry casserole-like recipes. Spring for the Ocean Spray, plop it on a plate and be done. Only, like, one person wants this crap to mush into their stuffing anyway, so, why waste your time?

5

Cornbread Stuffing - yes, this does sound a bit elaborate, but never fear - both boxed items can be combined for ease. Stuffing on its own can be dry and blah, no matter how many meaningless veggies you add to it. But what CAN flavor it up is some good old-fashioned cornbread as the base. Don't be afraid someone might miss having both individually. They aren't cooking, so who cares what they think? And everything just combines together on the plate anyway.

6

Sweet Potato Casserole - another acquired taste for some. However, if you add a layer of cinnamon, brown sugar and candied nuts on the top, no one can resist this dish.

7

Green Beans - again, there is no need to stress about this dish. Buy the pre-snipped, bagged beans, onions, bacon and some seasoning. Throw it all in a crock pot when you wake up stressed at 3:00am, and these legumes, that no one eats any other time of the year, will be ready for the lunch buffet.

8

Mashed potatoes - the crowning jewel of ANY meal, you should make no less than a vat of these for your feast. Just potatoes, butter and salt, caringly smashed by every member of your family for unity and stress/aggression treatment. Tip - precook the potatoes in the crockpot for easy blending.

9

Apple Crumble Pie - in an effort to make sure your poop is not orange for the next week, skip the pumpkin pie and move on to the apple with something to make the fruit tasty - cinnamon, brown sugar, butter and more sugar. Throw on a scoop of vanilla ice cream, topped with caramel. Or even add a slice of cheese, because at this point, why not?

10

A Signature Cocktail - Duh! Now, I start my day by "signing" my coffee with some Rumchata or Baileys, add some signature twigs and berries to my cranberry prosecco cocktail at breakfast, move to something certified vodka-y with lunch and finish off dinner with a trademark apéritif like a nice brandy, scotch or amaro. This well-paced drinking assures that I will be passed out right before the cleanup begins. Brilliant!

In all seriousness, I hope today you are surrounded by people you love (or can at least tolerate) and that your joys and fortunes are in abundance. If you also have a lot of liquor around, try to make one of these!