Pronunciation is key

The Boozy Weathergirl
Jan 26, 2023
3 min read

My mind has been all over the place this week. Apparently, I am taking my work home with me. Hoping you can follow my thought train in this week's Deep Thoughts Thursday with The Boozy Weathergirl.

1

My husband read last week's post and bought a saxophone. I'm ecstatic. Now he can blow himself.

2

These days, we pay a lot of money for everything, including pizza. So, when I get a 'za delivery, and they don't cut the slices all the way through, and the tips stick together, thereby ripping off all the cheese, I get pissed. If I wanted saucy dough, I would make pizza frite (that's fried dough for all you non-Italians). Or garlic knots. Make the effort to push the damn slicer through, dammit.

3

Speaking of Italian pronunciations, the word "cavatelli" is not pronounced, ca-va-tell-eeee. It's pronounced gavadeals. Get it right.

4

And still on pronunciations, I love driving my daughter insane by saying the simple word, "egg." I say it like aaa-ggg. She says it like eh-ggg. So, when she's being nasty, I make sure I ask for aaaaagggg-stra aaa-ggs. All. Day. Long.

5

My daughter also complains about my obsession with the Real Housewives franchise, because I am always poo-pooing the Kardashian franchise. She says they are the same. I beg to differ. I watch RHO-EVERYWHERE, because they serve the purpose of making me feel so much better about myself and my friends. They give me comfort that I am inherently more worthy than they are of just about anything. Meanwhile, the Kardashians are merely plastic dolls, used as marketing gimmicks or by doctors as experimental molds for different kinds of plastic surgeries and implants. Not same. Sorry.

6

This weekend, we went to see a band called Darik and the Funbags (and funbags definitely mean boobies, not balls, as if that wasn't obvious). My friend, Laurie, and I were drinking and jamming, and the song "Rosanna" by Toto was played. We started to sing, "Meet you all the way," then we both looked at each other and said, "what the fuck does that even mean?" She left you over a year ago, and that's all you have to say, Toto? But you wrote a whole song full of words about it. You need help.

7

Another one of my dear friends, Brett, who is a teacher and was released from school early this week, posted something like "#godblessED," and I had to chuckle. If you work in education, you understand this immediately. If not, you are probably feeling sad that someone is so excited about having a limp dick.

8

I saw a Reel teaser (which we all know I hate) for a hairstyle pencil hack. And as this bitch starts moving a razor-sharp object toward her head, all I could think about is that if I tried this shortcut, I would either need scalp stitches or I'd poke my eye out when I tripped trying to get closer to the mirror.

9

You may be one of those people who is inspired to do a great job all day, so that you can get home to your loving family. Not me. My one, true inspiration to get through the day is the knowledge that as soon as I walk through the door each evening, I can rip off my bra and finally free the tatas.

10

Lastly, my friend, Sharon, posted something about an actress whose pronouns she supported. I agreed with her, but I tweaked it a bit. Look for my new pronouns to read - she/her/bitch.

If you want to seem worldly, you can fake it 'til you make it by practicing the pronunciation of these popular pleasers. (Of course, you should make and drink them while you are practicing, to make sure that no one will understand what you are saying anyway, creating an even-more-believable air of poshness).