Order in the court!

Anyone not following the Johnny Depp/Amber Heard fiasco is really missing out on some quality, free entertainment. But I too can try to make you shake your head in disbelief of ridiculousness as you delve into my Deep Thoughts Thursday with The Boozy Weathergirl.

1

I ordered a GPS, and it got lost in the mail. #truestory

2

I need hand lotion all the time, and I keep a bottle close to my computer. Which is fine for me. But then my husband sat at my computer for something, and I thought about how that would look to someone walking in, not knowing the computer was mine. And my computer is front and center when you walk in the house. So, needless to say, I have relocated the lotion to a less porn-friendly location.

3

The creation of self-stick plastic wrap was genius. However, when the tear blade of this sticky plastic somehow falls off, leaving you with no way to cut it loose, and still having a glue-like force to stick to things, this can get ugly. Like, say, when it's super windy outside, and you're trying to wrap up a piece of cake with thick frosting, and you think, "hey, this self-stick wrap will be perfect!" So, you wrap it around the cake plate, and it sticks to the frosting, but you can't rip it off, and you start thrashing at it with a plastic knife, whose cutting ability is questionable at best, and this shit is thick, but not thick enough to not blow up in parts from the wind. Then you start to tug at it, causing the wrap to spray little bits of frosting all over your nice white outfit, as you start to sweat. In the end, you have unwrapped cake, that you throw in the trash along with your roll of plastic wrap, and you look like you just did an aerobic workout at a paintball field.

4

It is never lost on me that of the 10 loads of laundry I do each week, about five pieces of clothing that I fold are actually mine.

5

Have you ever been in a public bathroom, and you start pushing the roll of toilet paper with your hand to get it going, but you can't see anything happening? So you keep rolling it and rolling it, but where is the damn paper? Then you move your leg to the side, and realize it was unspooling all along, and there is a mound of TP in the stall next to you. But do you want to use that pile? No! It touched the floor. So you leave it there and try to pull off another clean wad. Yeah, I am not a good environmentalist.

6

This week, we did a review of the math portion for the exam I am taking to get my real estate license. Aside from the mini anxiety attack that induced, it brought me back to high school days, and I thought to myself, "in real life, I would be able to find a cute intern who I could persuade to do this shit for me if I smile and wear the right bra."

7

Planet Fitness is offering free membership to teens for the summer. Of course, I signed my kid up right away. Then a message came on, offering me the opportunity to join with the first month free. My finger could not have hit the "delete" button any faster. #hypocrite #iownit

8

The weather has been beautiful, so I indulged in a car wash. Why, oh why could I not remember that going to a drive-through for a coffee afterward automatically negates any benefits from this wash? Now I have a million streaks on my driver's side window that take product and elbow grease to remove.

9

I am not a particularly fancy eater. However, I have gotten my family used to certain foods and brands that they prefer. And in order to accommodate this snobbery, I travel to about four different grocery stores per week, just trying to find all the crap everyone likes to eat. Why can't one damn store just have everything? I'm going to open a revolutionary store called Gina's Groceries, and my tagline will be your new grocery mantra - "If we don't have it, you don't need it.

10

You just told me that you have no knowledge of the subject I'm discussing. So please help me understand why you need to offer your opinion about it anyway? #stfu

Next week, I will be in hard core prep for the exam I mentioned above. So, I am reaching out to the masses for some funny friend submissions for my post. I have a bunch saved, but I could use a few more to complete my task. Are you up to the challenge?