Moms need a vacay from a snow day.

Dec 17, 2020
3 min read

Here in the Northeast, we have the first real snowstorm in years (at least for CT). How exciting, right? Well, for mothers, it's not always as great as it is for everyone else. So this week’s Deep Thoughts Thursday with The Boozy Weathergirl is dedicated to why snow days suck for Moms.

1

I grew up in the 70s/80s. Everything in our homes was decorated with linoleum, and no one cared about all the water dripping off of you after you came in from playing in the snow. Fast forward to 2020 - hardwood is the choice decor. And you know what doesn’t go well with wood? Water! So now, in order for my kid to have fun in the snow, I am taping down tarp in the main hallway and looking for every old towel we have in the house, and my foyer looks like a crime scene. She also has to strip down to her skivvies in the garage, and she’s screaming at me as I press the button for the door to close. If anyone has a body to get rid of, now would be the time to visit me.

2

You throw on their long johns, then the next two layers of clothes, the gloves first, so the coat slides over perfectly, and you lace their boots, tie them tight, and then you hear, “I have to go to the bathroom.” Piss in your pants, kid. It will keep you warm. (I go to my car and grab the silicone Go Girl device for the girls).

3

Another thing in your house that has to pee - Pets! However, unlike your kids, who are more than willing to draw mommy a pee picture in the snow, your dog is scared of this foreign object on the ground and holds it forever before being ready to get out there. But once he/she does, it’s like crack. And they have snowballs matted all over their fur. And that melts at different times throughout the day, all over the house. It would have been better if he/she peed on the floor! Oh, and did I mention the smell of wet animal combined with the smell of wet, sweaty kids? Ain’t no Febreeze gonna cover that up!

4

You finally get them outside, and they’re on your doorstep 10 minutes later saying “It’s too cold!” You want cold? I’ll show you the icy stare of a woman, slowly drained of her sense of purpose, catering to you ingrates all day. You’re staying out there. I’m locking the doors for at least 20 more minutes, so I can finish my episode of “Shameless.”

5

They play, you plow. When the snow is coming down 2” an hour, you don’t have time to just sit and relax. You’re out there on the hour, every hour, because nothing can move 14-20” except a transformer. I’m not 15 anymore, folks. This shit takes its toll on an old body. But then those kids pop back up and want you to play. Can’t they just go away for a few minutes?

6

Just like anytime your kids are home, all they want to do is eat. Oh, and your husband is home too, pretending to be working, but really just hiding in the home office, away from any responsibility. So on top of being the shoveler, you are now also a short-order cook. And the kitchen is open 24-7.

7

You took a vacation/personal day for this. When I take time off, I envision basking in the sun or being massaged by Jason Momoa. Not cooking, cleaning and yelling - like every other day. And worse, I’m staring at a thousand things to catch up on, but I can’t do any of them. And the snow mess adds another million things to do. #fuckthisshit

8

There are other mothers in this same position, so you invite one over. And you have some hot chocolate to warm you, but there’s a bottle of Peppermint Schnapps nearby, and you giggle as you add a little to the hot cocoa. Then you add a little more before it’s done. Pretty soon, you two are laughing and plowing through your bar like you’re on a very close-proximity pub crawl. You might even be on the floor laughing, as your kids stop by to stare, then ask for food, which makes you laugh harder. So you throw them a bag of chips for lunch and get back to your tequila shots.

9

Day drinking is so hard when there is no nap in sight.

10

You have “Do You Want to Build a Snowman” on repeat in your head, all day long. And if the song changes, it’s only to “Let it Go.” Which you do. You let everything go and find the nearest bottle, lock yourself in your closet with headphones, and breathe.

This weather is a great reminder that it’s OK to stay inside sometimes. Spread joy, not COVID this holiday season!